Sitting Around The Locker Room

Several men are sitting around the locker room of a golf club when a mobile phone rings.  One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

Husband - "Hello?"
Wife - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

Husband - "Yes, I am"
Wife - "Great!  I'm at the mall two blocks from where you are and I'm looking at a beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?"

Husband - "What's the price?"
Wife - "Only $1,000."

Husband - "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much."
Wife - "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealer and saw the 2015 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price...and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."

Husband - "What price did he quote you?"
Wife - "Only $60,000"

Husband - "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
Wife - "Great!  But before we hang up, just one more thing..."

Husband - "What?"
Wife - "I happened to stop by the real estate agent's office this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year for sale. The one with a pool, English garden and an acre of park area. The beach front property."

Husband - "How much are they asking?"
Wife - "Only $450,000.00 a terrific price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover it" 

Is There Anyone Who Can Make Me Feel Like A Women?

On a trans-Atlantic flight, a plane is passing through a severe storm when one of the wings is struck by lightning. One woman stands up in the front of the plane and starts screaming, "I'm too young to die!". 

Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of love making in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I'’ve had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??" 

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. 

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. 

Checking Gas Meters

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at one end of the alley and worked their way to the other. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. 

Finishing with the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race down the alley and back to the truck to try and prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. 

As they came running up to the truck, they realized that the lady from the last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. 

The Honeymoon

The reception had ended and the newlyweds had just arrived at their honeymoon resort. After supper and champagne, the groom retired to the bedroom. But Rebecca pulled a chair up to the balcony doors and sat there, gazing up at the stars. 

"Honey," asked the somewhat impatient husband. "Aren't you coming to bed?"

Nice Place For A Swing

She looks so trusting.....

He looks so ready to let her swing....

Years Later

This is for the "nerds" who didn't get enough tail back in high school.

The "nerd" wins in the end.

Watch Out Below!

Watch out below girls, my laxative just kicked in.

Various Quotes On Marriage and Such

"Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life!"  -- Anonymous
  
"Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly." -- Voltaire

"Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished." -- Goethe