Some Funny Answering Machine Messages.

My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished. 

Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you. 

A Few Quick Jokes

Q: How do you get your wife to scream while you are having an orgasm? 
A: Call her and tell her where you are. 

Q: If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks in, what do you have? 
A: Divorce proceedings, most likely. 

You know if you firmed this up...

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her butt and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."

While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought, and replied with silence. The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said,

A Ship Goes Out To Sea...

A ship goes out to sea and crashes. 6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island.

After spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely and sexually deprived. So they come to this agreement. 

In Line At The Grocery Store

A man was in a long line at the grocery store. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms. So he asked the checkout girl if she could have some condoms brought up to the register. 

She asked, "What size condoms?" The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants.