You know if you firmed this up...

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her butt and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."

While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought, and replied with silence. The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said,

A Ship Goes Out To Sea...

A ship goes out to sea and crashes. 6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island.

After spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely and sexually deprived. So they come to this agreement. 

In Line At The Grocery Store

A man was in a long line at the grocery store. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms. So he asked the checkout girl if she could have some condoms brought up to the register. 

She asked, "What size condoms?" The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants.

Eatin' Chili

A man goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes to take his order, and he asks her, "What's the special of the day?"

"Chili," she says, "but the gentleman next to you got the last bowl."

The man says he'll just have coffee, and the waitress goes to fetch it. As he waited, he noticed the man next to him was eating a full lunch and the bowl of chili remained uneaten.

A man went to visit his doctor...

A man went to visit his doctor. "Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads. 

The doctor rolls up the man’s sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. "Hello, Doctor," says the arm. "Could you please lend me twenty bucks? I’'m desperate!" 

"A ha!’’ says the doctor. 

’’I see the problem now. Your arm is broke!"